without a word
by Safe.Place.To.Read
Summary: It was the undisputed truth and any way that anybody looked at it, there was no sugar-coating the fact that Spencer was in the hospital because of him. \\ Spencer gets into a car accident shortly after leaving Toby's loft. Spoby post 416. (I promise a happy ending) :)


**since i'm not really looking forward to the lack of spoby we'll be getting tonight and considering how disappointed i was in what we got last week, i thought i'd post this :) please let me know your thoughts! love each and every one of you xo **

**-.-**

Eleven.

Eleven minutes.

That's all it took for his world to come crumbling down, and it startled Toby to think that things could change so drastically in that slender amount of time.

He didn't speak at all as he sat achingly in that waiting room - not a word, not to anybody. What was there to say? They'd fought, he'd stormed out, she'd been left alone in his living room to cry...and then she left. And then she crashed. Eleven minutes later, she crashed.

It was senseless of him to project his anger on her and it maddened his soul more than words could even express to know that he had turned on the one girl who stood by him through all his inner demons and struggles. The one girl who loved him unconditionally - no matter what happened to be going on in their lives or how foolish he was acting.

It wasn't even Spencer he'd been angry at - it was himself for letting the situation go on for as long as it did and for allowing her get so involved. He longed for more answers, sure, but he also knew that his obsession was getting out of hand and that he needed to put an end to it. When she came over to his place and informed him of her father and Jessica Dilaurentis's involvement in the whole thing, Toby realized just how wrapped up she was...and he knew that it was his fault she knew of any of it in the first place. He understood then that he needed to convince her to let it all go, although he knew that doing so for anything was never quite her strong suit.

He didn't end up handling things in the way he knew he should have, but, none of that mattered now. None of it mattered at all. He was so wrapped up in himself and in trying to get Spencer to forget about the situation that he failed to see the tears that were already coursing down her cheeks. He failed to see how upset she truly was and for that he wasn't sure how he could ever forgive himself. He was her _boyfriend_ for hell's sake; he should have woken up enough to realize that she was hurting as badly as she was.

He should have known. He should have been more understanding. He should have left the whole thing with his mom in the past a lot earlier than he did because what was done was done... He had lost his mom but Spencer had been very much there. Very much alive. And he should have appreciated that so much more than he had...

**Should have.**

**Should have.**

There was a lot he should have done, a lot he should have said. Deep down Toby knew that drowning himself in guilt and "should have's" and "what if's" did nothing but worsen the situation but still he thought on. Still he played scenarios over and over in his head like a broken video until he came to the point where he could barely even think at all.

Memories were on repeat and the sound of her voice kept singing to him, like a sick, twisted lullaby. He knew that none of it was real and that there was a gaping chance that never again would he hear the beautiful sound, and that future memories might never be given the time of day.

Toby just about lost his supper at the thought that all of this was his fault. It was the undisputed truth and any way that anybody looked at it, there was no sugar-coating the fact that Spencer was in the hospital because of him.

**It was all his fault.**

"Toby?" A voice tried to snap him out of his trance.

**All his fault.**

"Toby!" The voice was Emily's. He could barely make anything out in the state he was in but Toby could recognize that voice anywhere. It was definitely Emily's.

"Toby, remember to breathe." Was he not breathing? He hadn't even noticed. "She's going to be alright, you know. Spencer always makes it out alright."

Though she tried her best to put up a strong front for him, Toby saw past it as he finally willed himself to look his friend in the eye. There was fear there. Guilt, too, even. But what did she have to feel guilty for? This was all his fault, he knew it. Nobody else was to blame.

As if she could read his mind and look into the deepest parts of his soul, Emily sighed. "Look, I don't know what you think you did or why you look like you're the one who hit her car. But I do know that none of this is your fault... If it's anybody's fault, it's mine."

This grabbed Toby's attention.

"We got into a fight earlier tonight. About what? It's not important. But she thought that she was helping me, and in a way, she was...yet...for some reason I shot her down. I screamed at her and left her feeling really upset, and... I don't know. It was stupid. Just, Toby, know that this isn't your fault."

God, that sounded familiar. No wonder Spencer was so distraught when she first came into his loft. It wasn't just one thing that she was dealing with - it was two... Probably more, knowing Spencer's life. So when he yelled at her and left her all alone, it was the last straw. It was the reason she broke down in the way that she did and the reason her vision was hardly a usable sense as she attempted to drive home that night. It was the reason she was there in that hospital, and the reason she was in the pain that she most likely was.

He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as the breath he barely had hitched inside his throat, and he was slightly comforted by Emily's hand that soon covered his own.

Still he said nothing. He just stared at the floor and tried to focus on his oxygen intake. _"Take a breath...__"_ Toby tried to remind himself as if he were speaking to Spencer. _"Take a breath..."_

-.-

After about another hour of silence and pure agony, a female doctor with a clipboard in hand began to make way over to where Toby and the rest of Spencer's support group was seated. Toby felt his stomach plummet to the floor as he knew that either good news or heart-shattering news was about to be delivered, and that the moment of truth was a only mere few seconds away.

He tried to read the doctor's face but it was practically indecipherable and his guess was as good as any as to what she was about to say.

"Toby Cavanaugh?"

His heart-rate rose. He was nervous but at the same time hopeful that she called out his name for the reason he had wanted to think.

Toby raised his hand slightly to indicate that he was indeed the boy she'd just called for. He could feel the eyes of everybody around him boring into his soul, also curious as to why this was happening.

"Spencer is awake. She's asking for you."

_**She's asking for you.**_

_**She's asking for you.**_

The words echoed endlessly in his seemingly hallow brain. She was awake. She was alive. And she was asking for _him_?

The first hint of a smile slowly developed on Toby's tear-stained, worn down face. He couldn't bring himself to believe it so he pinched himself slightly; he had to be dreaming. He had to be.

But after a moment that lasted far too long he realized that he was not at all dreaming and that he was being ridiculous.

Spencer was alive, and she was asking for him. She was waiting for him. There was no more time to waste.

As he walked the path that led to Spencer, he couldn't help but hold a shaking hand to his heart. It was like his heart knew that hers was near, and that it was calling out to it somehow. Toby couldn't explain it but, in a way, they were tethered. They were two halves of a whole heart and the thought of that was so beautiful to him that he could have broken down right then and there. But again, there was no time.

"Before you go in there, Mr. Cavanaugh, you should know that she has been through quite a lot tonight and most likely does not look the way you remember," he heard the doctor telling him. "She might be acting a little different too, but I assure you that it's just the meds." But he didn't care. He didn't care at all. All he cared about was Spencer.

Suddenly the door was opening and he felt like the world was spinning...

Although there were bruises on her face and on her arms and most likely other places on her body, Toby couldn't remember her ever looking more beautiful or serene. Her eyes were filled with regret and forgiveness and _so much love_, and if Toby hadn't known her so well he never would have understood the message her deep doe orbs were trying to convey.

She forgave him. She loved him. And she was so thankful that he was there.

Tears harbored in both of their eyes as Toby ambled over to Spencer's hospital bed. He took her hand and kissed each knuckle as softly as soft could be.

"I love you more than I even know how to say," he whispered. They were the first words he had spoken since the accident. "I love you so much and I just really, really hope you know how sorry I am. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you..."

She sniffled, not knowing what she'd do without him either. But instead of responding with her words, Spencer responded with her actions. Leaning in carefully, she pressed her lips against Toby's and left precious little angel kisses wherever there were tears so that she could wash them away.

Words were never really needed with them. They could communicate with just a look, a touch, a kiss. And that's what made their bond so special, I suppose.

So they just stayed there - for a whole eleven minutes - and reminded themselves that things were exactly the way they always should have been. They were together, they were in love, and they were as tethered as they'd ever been. From that moment on, Toby vowed to always put Spencer first and to always cherish the moments he had the honor of spending with her.

And as he found himself staring, entranced by the beauty beside him, he knew that that was a vow he planned on keeping for the rest of his existence.


End file.
